Talking with your spouse: “Constructive communication between loved ones”

Looking at my husband I often think about how handsome he is, how strong he is, and how much love I have for him. We've faced many challenges together, counting on one another, and leaning on each other for support. It's hard to think that someday we will struggle to care for one another.

I watched my mother as she tried to delicately navigate conversations with my father as health concerns began to take over their lives. And as a healthcare provider I have had these conversations with patients many times. But when you are this close to someone and you have so much personal insight, that can make the struggle of communicating sensitive subjects more difficult.

Take the opportunity to make a plan now: Removing the stress of dealing with healthcare issues in the heat of the moment can be minimized by starting these conversations before we get sick. It’s ok to talk with your spouse and to learn their personal wishes and feelings. Be mindful of showing respect when talking honestly with each other. 

What kind of help do we need: Help can come in many different forms. Sometimes we just need the information to help educate us on our options. Other times we may need resources to better provide the support we may not be able to complete on our own. But most often overlooked is the fact that we can benefit from connecting with others that are going through similar situations. Communication with friends, family even support groups could provide a sense of comfort and community and be a great stress relief. 

Validating feeling: Another method to supporting conversations of aging is allowing your loved one their own feelings. Oftentimes when asking for help we struggle with the thought of losing our independence, and fear that we are showing a sign of weakness. Listening and allowing your spouse time to express their concern can help minimize the pain of asking for help. 

Support does not have to be forever: It's scary to think that help could mean having strangers come into your home. Consider short term care on a trial period basis. This will give you and your spouse time to adjust to change. It can also allow the opportunity to discover what tasks are more comfortable to delegate to others. 

My husband often mentions in passing how much he wants to grow old together. I hope with preparation and communication we can make that dream a sweet reality.